Thursday

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON SEPT. 18, 2002


Things were swell on the morning of September 18, 2002, right up until the web site that I had been writing the Klyde Morris cartoon for fired me. Indeed, I had been fired for using the word “dominatrix” in my most recent cartoon. The aviation web site that canned me was one called AvWeb, where I had previously enjoyed a few years of cartooning. What I did not know at the time was that the site had been sold to some big New York publishing house and one of their low level “editors,” who was probably some politically overcorrect nit who fetched coffee, found that word to be “offensive.” They demanded that I change the cartoon. I told them, as politely as I could, to pound sand; and they fired me.

It was quite similar to Dr. Johnny Fever getting fired from a radio station for saying the word “booger” on the air.

To my surprise the firing caused something of a small stir in the aviation community. It was enough to get the attention of another aviation news site called the Aero News Network, (ANN) who ran the story as news. While my former employer was busy scrubbing all references to my cartoon from their servers and posting only reader comments that condemned me personally, ANN’s Editor-In-Chief Jim Campbell decided that his site could really use a cartoonist. Thus, on November 8th, 2002 Klyde Morris appeared on Aero-News.net for the first time. Meanwhile, I was later informed, that someone attached to my previous employer had been going around behind me telling perspective publishers that I was “trouble” and “very difficult to work with.” In one case that person, unknown to me, had been actually following me around an event. When I’d talk to a prospect, the little worm would come right up behind me and poison the water. Unfortunately, I did not get wind of this cheap little creep until a few years later- it seems that the bunghole had actually done its little act for a friend of mine from college. I doubt that this person had done this nastiness under direction of my former employer’s new owners. They’re cheap, but I don’t think they are that cheap.

In my parting phone conversation with the new “editor” of AvWeb, he warned me to not use the terms, “aviation consumer,” “aviation safety,” “IFR refresher” or “light plane maintenance,” ever in anything I wrote or happened to draw (including this ) because his company had the copyright to those words which were the titles of their publications. Unfortunately, once again, he was too dense to know that aside from being a cartoonist, I am also a published author with, at that time, nine books in publication. I’m quite familiar with copyright law; you cannot copyright common words, terms or phrases and more often than not, you cannot copyright titles. Thus, in my very next cartoon I used every single one of his so-called copy-written terms. In essence it was a fun way to say “In your face asshole.” There was no response, of course, from the blow-hard or the publishing house for which he worked.

My firing from AvWeb increased my readership stats by just over 13,000 in less than a week. I was told by persons still inside the place that their readership had fallen, by a similar number. In his final e-mail to me, the person in charge of AvWeb at the time said, “I have no doubt you've earned a following, but we will weather any disappointment voiced by the subscribership until we can audition and secure a replacement” Although I’m sure they “weathered” the disappointment of those readers who left them with me, they have never managed to secure a replacement. Although I was told that they tried some second-rate cartoons, nothing had the legs that my cartoon has.

Today, I celebrate a DECADE of working with the Aero-News Network. That is some 1,040 cartoons so far since the first one appeared on ANN on November 8th, 2002. If anyone reading this still believes that I am somehow “hard to work with” they would do well to contact Jim Campbell of ANN and ask him that question. You see, a funny thing happened to me on September 18th, 2002, I got fired from AvWeb, and went to a much better news site.

To read the entire e-mail exchange between me and AvWeb- visit here: http://www.klydemorris.com/fired.cfm

Oddly, they never expected me to take their own e-mails, remove the personal information and use it all against them.

Oh yeah, “… and by the way fellow babies, I almost forgot… BOOGER!!!!” – Dr. Johnny Fever, WKRP.

Wednesday

I AM NO LONGER TEACHING MY KIDS TO TRY

Starting today, I am no longer teaching my two daughters to try. I'm no longer teaching my kids to do well in school. In fact I'm teaching them to get as dumb as possible. "Why?" you may ask... because that is the best way to get along in Obama's America. The dumber you are and the more lazy you are, the more free stuff you get..

You see, the key to survival from now on is that in order to live, you must get free stuff from the state, the government, from The Leader- Obama. The dumber you are, the more you will get. I'm teaching my kids where to stand in line to get the paperwork to get the free stuff. I'm teaching them to game the system- they are no longer Americans- they are Asian-Females, a double minority. They can get more free stuff.

I'm also teaching my kids to join the Democrat Party- right now. I want them to work their way up into "The Party" as high as they can. Because in The Leader's america, just like in other communist nations, only high-up party members will get the best free stuff, the best housing, the best cars, the best food and of course the best, free, health care. The key to The Leader's dream is to rise in The Party, thus, rise to the best free stuff. There will no longer be a party divide, there will be only one party- The Party, The Leader's party.

When The Leader changes the nation's flag, we will fly the new flag, when the leader orders that every loyal american has a photo of The Leader in their homes, we will have one and when The Leader sends his federal housing authority to our home and deems it as too large we will turn it into apartments for other people who were not savvy enough to get as much free stuff as they need.

My children must now learn that the military means nothing- unless they are escorting The Leader. The big dogs in The Leader's america will from now on be the EPA, the IRS and especially the un-elected board of persons who will decide who gets what medication, doctor's care, who lives and who dies. Those are the powers that be from now on.

We will stand by uncaring when the leader deems the Constitution to be invalid and holds a party convention to write a new document and thus making himself "President for Life." After all, who is to stop him? The news media? The voters? There will be no more votes for president that do not re-elect The Leader.

If my kids actually do grow up wanting to work, I'll teach them to work in the government. From then on they will always have a job if they are in the government. They will also have the title of "employee" rather than those poor fools working outside the government who are now and forever more referred to as "workers." My kids will be savvy to the fact that they cannot earn more than five figures of annual income- because they will then become "the rich" and they will have everything else that they earn taken from them by The Party.

In our household, my kids will tell you that the worst thing they can do is tell a lie. We had held truth as the highest standard. Now, however, I'll be teaching my kids to lie- and to lie as good as they can. When asked a question, just tell the person listening exactly what the want to hear. There is no truth, there are only the words that will get you ahead. If you get caught in a lie, lie some more- twist the words and if need be, throw someone else under the bus. Those who lie with the greatest of ease will be those who get ahead in The Leader's america.

The Leader's america is not the result of voter fraud, voter suppression or any other type of wrong-doing. THIS is what american voted for on November 6th, 2012. Now we all must conform to The Party way and to serve the needs of The Leader. The nation voted for this- and now we are going to get it. I just want my kids to NOT be the ones assigned to polishing the railroad rails in The Leader's america.

All hail The Leader, all hail Obama.