Commuting out of ORD, I had snagged a jumpseat on a United 757. The captain was a highly friendly fellow who was fairly senior and his FO was just getting ready to go to captain school for the 75 and seemed like a pretty cool guy as well. We blasted out of ORD and as we leveled off at cruise one of the Flight Attendants came into the cockpit. This FA was... well... as they like to say "OG" or openly gay. Now it is a vast misconception that all male FAs are gay. In fact a large portion of them are not. I once had a flight student who was a male FA at American and he liked to say that the way you get laid a lot in life is to be a straight guy working as an FA. Anyhow, the OG-FA politely asked if we'd like anything to drink.
Offering the crew something to drink at cruise was a standard practice in the pre-9/11 era when cockpit doors did not have to be barred and locked and then welded shut from the inside during flight. I said I was okay and didn't need anything, the FO echoed my answer and then put his hand over his mouth as if to conceal a smirk. The captain, however, just looked straight out the front window and stiffly said "Nothing, thank you." The OG-FA then left with a friendly "See ya'." An instant later, the captain reached over and hit the FA intercom button. When the lead FA answered the call he said sternly, "Cone in here please." By now the FO was looking out his window as if to say "I don't wanna see this."
In about a heartbeat later the lead FA came in and the captain directed her to close the door. "I don't care what you do for the rest of this flight," the captain snarled as he looked at her in a hateful manner, "but you keep that f%$&ing faggot out of my cockpit!" The stunned and clearly offended lead FA simply murmured "ok" and left, slamming the cockpit door.
No sooner had the echos from the slammed cockpit door faded than both the captain and the FO burst into laughter. The captain turned to me and saw that I was a bit stunned and began to sing "I'm goin' to charm school, I'm goin' to charm school, I'm goin to charm school..." The FO turned wiping his eyes and said "You sick bastard, I don't believe you just did that." The captain began to dance in his seat "I'm goin' to charm school, I'm goin' to charm school..."
"I'm missin' somethin' here." I mumbled. The FO decided to fill me in. You see, they can't fire United pilots for something like that. Instead, they take them off the schedule and send them to sensitivity training... in Denver... for a week. "He's done this before." the FO explained, "What was it last time?" the FO asked the captain. "Ski season." the captain replied happily. "And before that?" the FO went on. "Prime golf weather, just like now." the captain replied with a large knowing smile. "It works great," the captain explained to me, "You insult some fruity FA that you're probably never gonna see again, they send you to charm school in Denver, you spend the days learning charm and the rest of the time golfing or on the slopes. All ya' have to do is go in acting like Archie Bunker and pretend to slowly turn into Alan Alda by the end of the week. You get a passing grade and go back to work. You still get yer' guarantee, so you don't lose any money and you get an all expense paid vacation in Denver just to attend a bullshit sensitivity class."
"But... three times?" I asked. "Hey, I keep fallin' off the wagon." the captain smirked, "Can't help it, must be a defect in my personality."
A contrail could be seen high up in the eastern Ohio sky and at the very point of it were three pilots snickering like schoolboys over the concept of charm school. You can lead a pilot to charm school, but you can't make him sensitive.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Aviation gone amok
Who and what is this?
This blog is by Wes Oleszewski, cartoonist and author who draws world's only aviation and aero-space editorial cartoon strip, Klyde Morris. In the aviation industry, anybody who is anybody has read Klyde Morris. Thus if you are in this industry and you have never read Klyde Morris, you are a nobody- and you must quickly visit klydemorris.com so that you may finally become a somebody.
Wes has been drawing Klyde Morris since 1978 stopping only to take part in a career as an professional pilot. After 3 different airlines and one corporate operation, he can now state flatly that he has had the privilege of working for 4 of the worst air carriers in the nation. Thus, he went back to cartooning.
Wes has been drawing Klyde Morris since 1978 stopping only to take part in a career as an professional pilot. After 3 different airlines and one corporate operation, he can now state flatly that he has had the privilege of working for 4 of the worst air carriers in the nation. Thus, he went back to cartooning.
He's also the author of more than two dozen books.
Aviation subjects, spaceflight subjects... it's all good!
Sometimes... okay... most of the time, Wes has more to say than can be said in a cartoon and so we have this blog.
Sometimes... okay... most of the time, Wes has more to say than can be said in a cartoon and so we have this blog.
Posts
Followers
Copyright and Terms of Use
Use of this web site indicates your agreement to be bound by the below listed terms of use. Persons who do not wish to be bound by the stated terms of use are directed to not use this web site.
Terms of use:
1) COPYRIGHT All drawn images found on this web site that have been animated by Wes Oleszewski, or composite images created by that same author as well as text composed by that same author are protected by copyright Wes Oleszewski. No portion of any material presented on this web site may be reproduced for any form of publication without the expressed written permission of the copyright holder. Material that is equipped with a “print” function installed by the management of the web site is expressly intended for the reader’s private viewing only, and this “print” function does not imply or express any release of that printed material from the before stated copyright. Modification of any of the material protected by the above stated copyright is considered a violation of that copyright. The use of any of the material contained within this web site on any other web site or network of computers, other than those specifically contracted by the copyright holder, Wes Oleszewski, is prohibited.
2) SITE MANAGEMENT This web site is a production under the management of Klyde Morris Inc.
3) LINKED SITES Links to other web sites are presented for the convenience of our readers and neither Wes Oleszewski, nor Klyde Morris Inc. are responsible for the content on those sites.
4) CONTENT All content presented upon this web site is presented solely in pursuit of humor and the readers of the material are in no way bound to follow any dictates presented. All characters presented are fictional. None of the activities presented here should ever be attempted by actual persons and neither Klyde Morris Inc. nor Wes Oleszewski are in any way responsible for persons being injured or killed as a result of anything presented upon this web site. Both Klyde Morris Inc. and Wes Oleszewski advise that no one who may be influenced in any way should read any of the content of this web site- ever.
5) WARRANTIES To the fullest extent permitted by applicable law, both Wes Oleszewski and Klyde Morris Inc. disclaim all warranties, implied or expressed, including- but not limited to- implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. All material contained in this web site is presented “as is” and without warranties of any sort. This disclaimer includes warranties of function and warranties of non-interrupted service, or service free of errors. Products that are advertised on this site are also not warranted by either Wes Oleszewski or Klyde Morris Inc. but are the sole responsibility of the advertiser. No warranty is given or implied that the contents of this site are free of viruses or other harmful content or elements. Neither Wes Oleszewski nor Klyde Morris Inc. shall be responsible or liable to any person, firm, corporation or organization for any loss, damage, injury, claim or liability of any kind or character based on or resulting from any information contained on this site, or by any service offered though this site.
6) GOVERNING LAW This agreements shall be governed in accordance with the laws of the State of Maryland, USA without regard to the place or places of its physical execution and performance. Actions of any sort brought against Wes Oleszewski and or Klyde Morris Inc. based on or resulting from these terms of use shall be brought exclusively before the Federal District Court, Southern Maryland or in a state court located in Anne Arundel County. If any term or provision of these terms of use are, for any reason, held invalid, such invalidity shall not effect any other term in the provisions. These terms of use contain the entire understanding between Wes Oleszewski, Klyde Morris Inc. and the users of this web site.
Terms of use:
1) COPYRIGHT All drawn images found on this web site that have been animated by Wes Oleszewski, or composite images created by that same author as well as text composed by that same author are protected by copyright Wes Oleszewski. No portion of any material presented on this web site may be reproduced for any form of publication without the expressed written permission of the copyright holder. Material that is equipped with a “print” function installed by the management of the web site is expressly intended for the reader’s private viewing only, and this “print” function does not imply or express any release of that printed material from the before stated copyright. Modification of any of the material protected by the above stated copyright is considered a violation of that copyright. The use of any of the material contained within this web site on any other web site or network of computers, other than those specifically contracted by the copyright holder, Wes Oleszewski, is prohibited.
2) SITE MANAGEMENT This web site is a production under the management of Klyde Morris Inc.
3) LINKED SITES Links to other web sites are presented for the convenience of our readers and neither Wes Oleszewski, nor Klyde Morris Inc. are responsible for the content on those sites.
4) CONTENT All content presented upon this web site is presented solely in pursuit of humor and the readers of the material are in no way bound to follow any dictates presented. All characters presented are fictional. None of the activities presented here should ever be attempted by actual persons and neither Klyde Morris Inc. nor Wes Oleszewski are in any way responsible for persons being injured or killed as a result of anything presented upon this web site. Both Klyde Morris Inc. and Wes Oleszewski advise that no one who may be influenced in any way should read any of the content of this web site- ever.
5) WARRANTIES To the fullest extent permitted by applicable law, both Wes Oleszewski and Klyde Morris Inc. disclaim all warranties, implied or expressed, including- but not limited to- implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. All material contained in this web site is presented “as is” and without warranties of any sort. This disclaimer includes warranties of function and warranties of non-interrupted service, or service free of errors. Products that are advertised on this site are also not warranted by either Wes Oleszewski or Klyde Morris Inc. but are the sole responsibility of the advertiser. No warranty is given or implied that the contents of this site are free of viruses or other harmful content or elements. Neither Wes Oleszewski nor Klyde Morris Inc. shall be responsible or liable to any person, firm, corporation or organization for any loss, damage, injury, claim or liability of any kind or character based on or resulting from any information contained on this site, or by any service offered though this site.
6) GOVERNING LAW This agreements shall be governed in accordance with the laws of the State of Maryland, USA without regard to the place or places of its physical execution and performance. Actions of any sort brought against Wes Oleszewski and or Klyde Morris Inc. based on or resulting from these terms of use shall be brought exclusively before the Federal District Court, Southern Maryland or in a state court located in Anne Arundel County. If any term or provision of these terms of use are, for any reason, held invalid, such invalidity shall not effect any other term in the provisions. These terms of use contain the entire understanding between Wes Oleszewski, Klyde Morris Inc. and the users of this web site.
No comments:
Post a Comment