STORIES FROM
MY REGIONAL DOG FLYIN’ DAYS; VOL. 277
It seems as
if the weirdest crap hits the ventilator on clear blue sky days when everyone’s
relaxed. It was early summer 1996 and I’d been flying the Saab 340 for nearly
two years by now and that aircraft hated me as much as I hated it. Our mutual
disdain had by now settled down to the agreement that I wouldn’t cuss it out in
public and in exchange it would allow me a good landing about once a week. That
was pretty much the same deal that the stiff-legged SOB gave to everyone else
in the company, so I could live with it.
We were
cruising along from Appleton, Wisconsin to Minniepoopolis chillin’ in the fine
weather when someone came over our bullshit frequency.
“Everyone,
get on ops. right now, there’s some real shit goin’ on!”
Normally the
company required that we kept one radio on ATC and the other on ops. No one at
our company ever did that. Instead we kept the second radio on a frequency we
loosely called the B.S. channel, or “the five fingers” which was 123.45.
Reacting more out of interest than of concern I dialed up ops. We heard a few
exchanges between one of our flights and ops. There was a mention of having the
flight attendant guarding the door to the aircraft’s lav. and then the captain
saying that he wasn’t going to divert because they were close enough to their
destination. My captain and I looked at one another a bit puzzled and then the
ops. came up and gave the strangest order I ever heard come over the radio.
“All
aircraft, have a crewmember go into your lav. and smell the blue juice.”
There was a
pause and one of our aircraft came up and asked.
“What’re we
supposed to be smelling for?”
That pegged
my weird meter.
“We have an
aircraft in flight,” ops. replied seriously, “that has avgas in their toilet
instead of blue juice. We need every aircraft to check and see if they have the
same problem.”
My captain
reached to ding the flight attendant and I stopped him.
“I’ll go
back and check,” I volunteered. If we did have aviation gasoline in the toilet,
I didn’t want anyone doing anything about it- like trying to flush it away, or
worse yet, using a lighter to tray and see inside. Never underestimate human
stupidity when things are in weird mode.
I unbuckled,
put a smile on my face and headed to the back. The flight attendant was one of
the newer girls, and when I say “girls” I mean that many of these regional FAs
were kids fresh out of high school. She was just serving pop and peanuts to
back rows as I squeezed past and reached for the lav. door.
“What’s up?”
she asked.
“Oh,
nothin’,” I quipped, “we just got a light up front that says the toilet’s
running and I need to jiggle the handle.”
I left to
door cracked so the light wouldn’t come on. Gave a general sniff, and got in as
close as I dared and sniffed again. Oh the glamour of being a regional airline
First Officer.
We had blue
juice, but I wasn’t taking any chances.
“That thing
is busted,” I told her aloud, “make an announcement that the lavatory is out of
order, okay?”
“Sure,” she
smiled sweetly and continued her serving.
When I got
back to the cockpit I reported to my captain that we seemed to be okay, but I
asked the FA to announce that the lav. was out of order. My reasoning was that
if we did have avgas contamination, it may not come through until someone
flushes. He agreed and then told me that two more aircraft had reported in with
av. gas in their blue juice. One was on the ramp at an out-station and the
other was about to land at their destination.
So, “how in
the world could this have happened?” became the talk of the crew lounge. Some speculated that maybe a
disgruntled ramper had dumped a few cups of 100 low lead, which is blue in
color, into some of the toilets. Others said that it was some sort of a gag gone
wrong.
The answer
was far more simple and quite innocent. The company that fueled our aircraft at
Minni had hired a new fuel truck driver. That morning, when things were slow,
he was given the avgas truck and told to go onto our ramp and top off all of
the tanks on all of the ground equipment. The baggage loaders, ground power
carts and such all had gasoline motors that were always fueled with 100LL. He
did exactly as he was told, except he didn’t know the difference between the
fuel tank on the lav. cart and the blue juice tank- which is opaque plastic and
allows you to see the blue juice inside. So, he went over, opened the blue
juice tank and topped it off with 100LL.
Now came the
biggest problem. The company had three aircraft grounded with their toilet
systems contaminated with highly flammable aviation gasoline. What do you do
about it to make them airworthy again?
Our company
mechanics had no idea… of course these were the same guys who though a valid
fix for a ding on the back side of a composite propeller blade was to color it
in with a black marking pen rather than using the repair kit which would
require the aircraft to sit for 24 hours. Saab USA, had no idea and neither did
Saab overseas! Then our FAA PIO, who could normally not find his ass with a
funnel, got involved and the situation dragged on. The company swapped some of
the southern system birds up to cover the shortage of airframes. It was summer,
so our mechanics didn’t have to rip the deicing boots off before they could
fly. Normally the southern birds had crappy boots and were not suited for the
northern system.
Eventually
the word circulated among the pilot group that they all decided just to drain
the system the same way you would drain a piston aircraft’s tanks for an
inspection, let it dry out, disassemble it, check for local leaks, and replace
any of the plumbing that the avgas may have compromised. The fittings, tubing and
seals were not intended to contain avgas and could be degraded. Under pressure
the system could easily form a blue juice geyser on some unsuspecting
passenger. As best I can recall it took about three weeks or so before the
contaminated birds were back on the line.
I have no
idea what happened to the fuel truck driver. Odds are they kept him. Hey, good
help is hard to find and he was making more money than some of our pilots, so
why would he wanna get out of aviation?
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