Dolly Parton sang to me... just me.

It was the evening of Thursday, September 19, 1974 and I was a newly-minted usher at the Saginaw Civic Center. Dressed in my white shirt and clip-on tie, and black polyester pants, my usher's uniform consisted of an ill-fitting orange dinner jacket. We were under some strict rules: stay at your assigned post and stand up straight, no hands in pockets (anyone caught with hands in pockets was assigned the over-sized red "monkey gloves" to wear as punishment... I never wore them) and above all NO SITTING DOWN.

That night was the Merle Haggard Show and his two stars were Dolly Parton and Don Bowman. My station was at the back door to the arena, right next to the trash compactor room. There was really nothing or anyone to actually "usher" as only stage hands and building employees went in an out that door. Thus, I stood in my assigned position and earned my $1.65 an hour pay.

Just before the show began I suddenly saw Dolly Parton walking my way. Now, for those of you who never met her in person there is one thing to keep in mind. Dolly was very short- standing just 5-feet tall while wearing flats. That is much of the reason why she seems to be so "busty." As she approached me she asked,

"Are you just standin' here honey?"

I replied that we were not allowed to sit. She looked around and said,

"We're gettin' you a chair."

I insisted that I was not allowed to sit. But she got the attention of a stagehand and ordered him to get me a chair- which he promptly did. I was then directed by Dolly to sit in it. As I objected one final time she firmly said,

"Look... I'm the star of this show, and if I say you get to sit, you get to sit!"

So I did.

Dolly them pointed to her sweater, which was white with all sorts of colored butterflies on it and asked me how it looked? I replied that it looked very pretty.

"It's for my new song," she replied, "Love is like a Butterfly. I'm introducing it tonight. Would you like to hear it?"

Now, you do not hear that from a country and western star and then say that you're more into rock-n-roll. Nope. You say "Sure, I'd love to hear it." Which is what I said.

With that Dolly Parton stood there by the arena's back door and in full acapella sang the entire song to me... just me! When she finished she asked what I thought of it? I told her that I liked it a lot and I was sure it was going to be a huge hit. She smiled sweetly and told me to keep sitting as she walked away.

She wasn't gone for two minutes before the arena manager, Bill Fifer, came along accompanied by my dad who was then the head usher! I was firmly asked what the hell I was doing sitting down? I told them the whole story and they looked at one another, snickered and basically said in that case it was okay.

Every time I saw Dolly on TV thereafter I told anyone within ear-shot that Dolly Parton sang to me in person. I will always do that too.

 

TALES FROM MY SCREWBALL NOTEBOOK: Project Firebird

 

When the summer of 1972 began, my best friend in the world, Jimmy, went on a trip to Florida with his folks. While there they stopped at the Kennedy Space Center. Knowing full well that I was an insane space and rocket nerd, he brought me back a KSC loose leaf note book which had a photo of the Apollo 4 Saturn V on the jacket. That notebook became my prized possession and inside it I recorded all of my screwball rocket projects. After more than half a century it still survives and even became the inspiration for my cartoon series "The Program." Now I'll share some of the craziness.

This volume is FIREBIRD DAY

On July 4th, 1972, our neighborhood of Sheridan Park, in Saginaw, Michigan had a simple holiday. My family celebrated by swimming in our above-ground pool while dad BBQ'd chicken. As darkness set in we kids set off sparklers lit by one of dad's railroad flairs. Privately owned aerial fireworks were unlawful in Michigan as were fire crackers and M-80s. Yet some folks smuggled them in from southern states. Bottle rockets were allowed as long as they didn't explode in the air, (yeah... just try and fine some of those.)

However, Tom Moore, the crazy guy who lived next door to me had a smuggled supply of all sorts of fire works and thrilled all of us kids by lighting them off. Among his dazzling little pyro techniques was a string of fire crackers that were a total failure. When he lit them, most simply did not explode. Instead they sat on the driveway and just spun around and spit a little fire. He quickly decided to get rid of them. That was where his rocket-crazy kid next door asked if he could have one?

"The f&%kin' things don't work," he grumbled to me, "just take 'em all."

And so I did.

Where he saw sparks, smoke and failure, I saw thrust. Retiring early to my room, I constructed a makeshift, balsa wood coated with glue, nozzle for the former firecracker. Removing the fuse, I carefully glued the nozzle in place and added a stick for stability. I now had a basic bottle rocket. Next I molded a Project Mercury style tiny capsule with enough room for one of the ants from of patio to fit into. After all, you gotta have a passenger, or it doesn't count... right? Next I used some balsa scraps to fashion an elevated launch pad with 3 hold down arms to steady the booster. I wrote "F B ONE" down the rocket's body in red pen. My work took me late into the night, but my parents were used to me sitting up late working on some crazy flying things. Of course by sometime after midnight I decided to let the glue dry.

The following morning I was up early and using great care I reinstalled the fuse, caught the hapless ant-stronaut and soon Firebird One was poised on the launch pad.

Once the fuse was lit it took about 5 seconds to burn. With a small "pop" the rocket departed the pad much faster than a normal bottle rocket and zoomed far higher as well. I actually lost sight of it, but was hugely surprised that the dang thing actually flew like a rocket!

There was no wind that morning and I figured it had to come down somewhere close to my back yard. Now the recovery phase began. In our neighborhood, all of the kids knew that when they heard a rocket going off, it almost always came from my house. Shortly after the launch several kids arrived and I told them I was searching for the rocket. That effort went on for the better part of two hours as my crowd of volunteer searchers gave up and dwindled. Then one sharp-eyed kid shouted that he had found the rocket! As a reward I told him that tomorrow's launch was at 11:00, and he was invited. Gleefully he got on his bike and road off.

Apparently that long time sealed in the bee's wax capsule caused the ant to to die- but hey... the faulty firecracker became a rocket. Re-using what parts I could, I started work on the next rocket for tomorrow. Indeed the little kid who had found Firebird One was there at 11:00 on the dot to witness the launch. It was different than what we both expected.

This time the Firebird Two rocket exploded like the firecracker that it was, with a bit of extra power. The launch pad was destroyed and bits and pieces went everywhere. The little kid thought it was beyond cool and road off on his bike telling everyone that this one blew up.

I went back into my room, put on my Apollo 16 tape and wrote the Firebird Two details into my KSC notebook- it was the very first entry. More of that class of rockets blew up than flew up as the summer of 72 went by. I even created an Explosion Prevention System (EPS) which amazingly worked. But the shock killed the payload.

Thereafter I always consider July 5th to be "Firebird Day" when I remember my crazy rockets. Plus, ants always seem to avoid me on July 5th... can't figure out why.

 

GRANNY COULD SEE THE FUTURE

 When I first got engaged with my wife Teresa we spent a lot of time trading stories about our parents. At one point I told her that my mom had had a strange knack for seeing the distant future. Teresa scoffed at that. I told her that as far back as I could recall, my mom always said that I would someday marry a girl with long black hair. I often scoffed at that too. After all I normally got involved with blonds, or girls with medium length brown hair. Then when I did get involved with a girl with long black hair, mom was sure that "this is the one!" Instead it turned out that this one was a disaster. Thus I went back to blonds and girls with shorter brown hair.

However, in late 1986, there I was engaged to an oriental woman with long black hair.

As most of you may know, both my wife and I are alumni of the Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University. It is an important place that I spent a decade working my way through. Plus Teresa and I were married on that campus in 1988 and the university's co-founder J. Paul Riddle, who became a close friend of mine, attended our wedding. We've always stayed close to ERAU. When I was in school there and my folks would visit campus my dad would park his motor home on campus and we'd have friends come aboard for some of mom's cooking, and dad's stories about being a railroad engineer.

When it came time for our oldest daughter Akie to look for colleges, she was accepted at the University of Hawaii. As parents were were rubbing our hands thinking that we'd be spending Christmas in Hawaii for the next four years. Yet, she was also accepted at ERAU. Neither of us had pushed her in that direction. In fact I was pretty stoked at the fact that she was considering marine studies. When it came time to go and visit campuses she decided to visit ERAU.

When I mentioned that to my mom she gave me a very specific and direct order,

"I want a picture of her the moment she sets foot on that campus!"

So, we made a family 10-day trip to Disney World and took one day to stop by ERAU so Akie could get a tour. Additionally I took the photo.

One year later she was enrolled at ERAU. Just a few months alter her granny passed away, yet she has seen another of her premonitions come true. On April 5, 2026 Akie graduated and we all agreed to re-do that photo. 

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